I've being working pretty hard the last five weeks to set all things right to this conference. It's not my favorite job, full of boring people that suddenly becomes stressed, spooky, freaky people. But it pays well and, at the end, the success is a good thing to know you achieved, despite every thing. This time there's something different. I wasn't expecting this staff: both dazzling, charming. Gorgeous, to chose a precise word.

Two beautiful boys, standing in front of me now, drinking, laughing, cheering our success. I want to kiss both, but not at the same time. It must be the forth bottle of wine the blond one opened, I'm not completely sane anymore, and, especially, I'm not sure any of them will be satisfied with just kisses tonight. Just a couple of kisses. It would be a sane limit for this. What should I do? Should I pick up one boy and just go ahead? Should I stop drinking, wait, and then make up my mind? I guess I'll have to admit, the only good answer is going home alone.

He works two desks away from me. Theres nothing really special about him. Not much beautiful, not much smiley, not much talkative. Just a plain boy, doing his work right and quietly. Even not noticeable, for most of the time. One hour ago, I was sitting on his lap, his lips all over my neck, his fingertips fondling gently my waist, an overwhelming look on his beautiful green eyes. Now, while I drink this soda to feel a bit less drunk, I feel guilty about having those two unnecessary last beers that put me of my feet. Is there anything else to feel guilty about?

A new day it's dawning, I'm smelling of sweat and too kissed skin. He's being kind, bringing me soda, waiting until I put myself together. Is he being this kind because he wants me right again to go on from where we stopped? Or because he would be too ashamed on Monday if he let me here alone, at the end of this party?

It doesn't matter. I never ask questions which it's answers could possibly hurt me somehow. It's better to call a cab, go home, spend my Sunday in bed, sober up and for Monday. There's no way for him to remain unnoticeable next Monday.

Figure this out: his husky voice in your ears saying: I wanna do real bad things with you. There's nothing wrong on a dream...

You always know where you belong to. Or you should know... I feel like a belong to nowhere right now. Let me explain it.

Porto Alegre will always be my favorite place in the world. I will always love this streets filled with young ones, all featured in different, exquisite fashion ways; with old beautiful trees. I will always love this gold colored afternoons on spring time, and remember exactly how the red sunlight melt in blue on twilight. This is the city where my feet know here to go, the map of the streets are drawn in my veins. This city have a special way to mark you, by its colors, by its inhabitants...

But I don't belong here anymore. Since I went to the unending road, I don't feel like I belong anywhere.

Brutally honest people never figures how much they hurt.

I've got some kind of flu yesterday. Right now, I feel dizzy. No, not exactly dizzy. I feel like a draft paper, smashed and wasted. Do you know when there is a blackout and the lights back, but not entirely? If you figure this out, you figure how my brain is working.

Jesus, I need my bed, urgently...

Does self abuse to listen every single hour the same band? I hope not, because I think I'm addicted to Blue October. I'd listen them first on the Stephenie Meyer's website, she put them on a play list. First time I listen Sound of pulling heaven down I though “What a hell?! That's the kind of thing I could say to my husband!”

I could say him thing like “I'm reaching farther than I ever have before, Leaving all who broke your heart upon the shore, I may be some sort of crazy, We may be some sort of crazy”. We are actually crazy for living like we live, running miles and miles just for spend one single day together.

So I pick some other songs and the more I listed, more I became freaking fan of this guys. Violins instead guitar solos? Can it be more amazing? That's what I'm taking about. That's why they are the one single band on my play list down this page.

By now I'm listening Clumsy Card House. This is one thing I never get used to say: if thats ok, then by you side I'll stay forever.